What Your Sheets Secretly Say About You

What Your Sheets Secretly Say About You

If you want to know someone’s true character, don’t bother with personality tests, phrenology and the like. Just have a look at their bed linens. Yes, it turns out that the emerging field of sheetology* has much to tell us about people’s innermost selves.

 

In the interest of truthiness we’ve compiled this highly scientific rundown of the deeper meanings that lurk behind our bedding choices.

 

 

  • Silk Sheets: The person who opts for silk is telling the world “I don’t care if I slip and slide around in bed like a hard-boiled egg on a dinner plate—I am a person with style. I also don’t care if I have to spend hours hand-washing my sheets or hundreds of dollars dry cleaning them.”
  • Satin Sheets: “I too don’t care about slipping, sliding or dry cleaning, but I don’t have enough money for silk.”
  • Polyester Sheets: “I am extremely practical. I am the most practical person you’ve ever met. If my sheets are inexpensive and easy to care for, that’s the most important thing—more important than whether I and my sleeping companion have our skin rubbed raw by bed linens that are as soft and supple as a great big piece of sandpaper.”
  • Flannel Sheets: “I live in Northern Minnesota and it’s February.”
  • Hypoallergenic 2000 Thread-Count Mercerized Egyptian Cotton Sheets: “I believe that higher numbers are always better than lower numbers, whether it’s thread count or price tag. And I never read Consumer Reports.”
  • Linen Sheets: “I am Amish.”
  • Cotton Blend Sheets: “I want soft, smooth bedding that feels cool next to my skin. I don’t want to waste time ironing, so I like the wrinkle-free aspect. I am intelligent, practical, style-conscious, thrifty, reverent, honest, attractive and psychologically well-adjusted. I am kind to children, animals and those less fortunate than me (e.g. people without cotton blend sheets).”

 

Note: If you fall into this last category you may want to have a look at Yogabed’s superb cotton blend sheets. Just sayin’.

 

 

*This is really a thing. Or if it isn’t, it should be.


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